I used to listen to the radio. It's next to my bed, it provides a good source of amusement, and is often quite interesting. Being a young lad, I was highly impressionable, for example by the "media" (and by media I mean people on my radio shows whom I respect, and therefore mimic whatever opinions they might have). For example, my favourite NRL team is purely based on who one of my favourite radio show hosts goes for. So I said, "I like the symbol of that team, so whatever, I'll go for them! But to be frank...I never cared about NRL before and I still won't now I've got a team; but hey! Team!" And I still don't. AFL ftw!
The latest radio show I was listening to was a provocative one. Spoonman on Triple M. Nothing was taboo. Its host, The Spoonman, openly stated he was an Atheist. An atheist loud and proud, often recommending The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins to all of his listeners. "This is one of my favourite books and is a must read - for everyone!"
An atheist. Okay. I was pretty much neutral towards the fact he was an atheist (I doubt I even knew what an atheist was!) From time to time he would talk about religion, and whenever he would argue with listeners who called in he would shut them down with sophistication and wit, as Spoonman so often did. Great entertainment, but perhaps also subliminally instilling an evil message in my ever so innocent mind - you see Spoonman was the Devil's Prophet, wreaking havoc to the depths of the land, wherever so far as the wireless would take him - perhaps... but I tend think not. It's thing called common sense I've got, see. Good shit I know.
Once he even pinned an uneducated atheist up against an uneducated theist. The atheist came off as victorious easily, quite an interesting feat considering they both weren't particularly educated.
Atheist: I just don't see any evidence for a GodOne day Spoonman decided to read us (the listeners) an except from his beloved book The God Delusion. Such splendid and wonder did the words which glowed from the wireless make sense to my logical rational brain. .....Brilliance!..... I had to check this book out for myself. But how! My parents would go crazy. I could not attain this book from them. Perhaps...an audio version? To my luck a quick Google revealed there was in fact an unabridged version. Great! In March 2008 acquired this audiobook, and so began 13 hours of listening. To and from school slowly got it knocked off... beats reading the damn thing though, I mean I'm currently reading another book at the moment - actually reading it instead of being lazy and getting the audio, and I barely read it at all. Too time consuming.
Theist: Well...it's just true, I mean er uh...true! It's just true
Atheist: Yeah but um er I don't see any evidence for it uh...
Theist: Um er uh ye- uh it's just true and um-
When I was done reading the book, I felt a lot of things. Dawkins had obliterated the concept of god, the trustworthyness of religion, and all I had been taught to believe up until this point. A lot of what he was saying made no sense to me, but I assumed it to be true and forgot about it (how can you expect someone to remember something they don't even know is true or what's being said. In a way that's a good thing).
I was an atheist. Or was I? I still felt I wanted to cling onto the idea of god for a while, and didn't even like the label of being called an atheist. I don't really care what anyone beliefs, I just don't like religion. That's the bad part. Unfortunately I never became aware of a word that suited that position (I'm quite sure anti-theist certainly doesn't) so was forced to settle with atheist. (Okay, sure. No-ones forcing me. Better to call myself an atheist though to say I'm at the sideline waiting for an appropriate name to come along. But it's a lot easier than having to explain exactly what my position is whenever someone asks of my religious stance)
But a few problems remained. What about my "experience"? I felt God, I really really did! If Dawkins was right, it was just a placebo effect or something similar. Purely a product of the brain. I knew he was right, but I did not want to believe it. This thing was special to me, I held it really close inside. Not everyone gets their own little experience, and I had. When I would tell my friends about it they would say it was cool, but they never really understood. Eventually I would part with my experience, shrugging it off as just another product of the wonder that is our brain. A touching story yes. If I'm any good at bullshit I could pose as a column journalist for a christian newspaper and make a living making up touching stories of friends and family who almost lost their faith at the slimy hands of logic and reason but at the last moment saved by the holy spirit. Ring any bells anyone?
As I was reading The God Delusion I talked to my friend about it as I went through. Thanks to the great invention of chat logging, I'm able to go back and see how exactly I talked to her as piles of information flew into my brain. It was all so amazing! More or less, she really didn't care. The more I learnt, the more she didn't care. In a way I don't blame her, like I said in a previous post, no-one cares about religion. She began to question her faith, presenting the questions I posed to her to her mum, just so we could see the reactions her mum gave. My friend only began to question it - she would later come to resent me, grossly (along with my other friends) loathing me and my "obsession" with religion.
Looking random shit up on YouTube, I eventually came cross some atheist videos, watched them, ended up clicking more and more and more, eventually landing upon The Atheist Experience TV Show which I am a great fan of. The more I learned, the less my friends cared. My interest was slowly pushing them away. Some good would come of my atheism however: science, knowledge, and all things reasonable. To my amazement I became fascinated by Physics, Chemistry, Philosophy, Evolutionary Psychology, Counter Apologetics, History, Geography, Geology, and most of all Biology. History Geography and Geology though, what the shit!? I would've never found myself interested in rocks! ...unfortunately for me though I had already picked my electives for Year 11, and it would not be until half way through the year or later such interests would dawn on me.
One problem still remained though, (even though I have already alluded to it), what would my peers, my family, my world think of me becoming an atheist. I already had a general idea, but who would've thought I'd be so wrong...
